Live from love. 

Honor yourself, and then honor others. 

Be authentic.  

Follow your heart. 

Speak your truth. 

Trust your inner knowing. 

Find the joy in each moment.

 

This is all that was hidden from me.

 

This is all that was lost beneath the rules of the experts I followed, the authority figures I listened to, the teachings of family I held as law, the faith tradition that defined my beliefs, and the cultural background that set the limits of what was possible.

 

I was a kid who grew up in a candy store in the Bronx, steeped in Catholicism and the traditional values of Italian American heritage. An obedient first-born child, a rule-follower, the perfect student who studied, worked hard, minded her manners, and respected her elders.

 

I memorized the catechism, the times tables, the “facts,” the “truth” as presented in the books written by the experts, and the laws proposed by scientific research—proficiently spouting out the answers that were “right.” Rote learning was the way to a Catholic school nun’s heart, and I absorbed every fact offered me. Knowledge and being smart were rewarded, and I regarded education as The Almighty and believed nuns and other authority figures reigned supreme. 

 

Don’t question.

Just do.

Follow the rules.

 

I read and studied, got good grades, and excelled in school. Then I went to college to be a teacher—one of the few “acceptable” career choices for women at the time—until marriage, which was sanctioned by the cultural norms and belief systems in which I was raised. 

 

But I went to a women’s college during the time of the “feminist” era—a time and place of heightened awareness of possibilities beyond the traditional. I majored in chemistry when science was not typical for women, and there were only four of us in the program. Science, for me, was never about “breaking new ground.” It was what I liked and was good at. But now, I’m wondering if it was something more…

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A Glimpse into the Realm of Possibilities

 

Chemistry, the study of matter and how and why it is transformed, seeks to understand the nature of life—nearly everything in existence can be broken down into chemical building blocks. When you witness the structure/building blocks of life through the lens of an ancient discipline, the transforming “magic” of alchemy doesn’t seem so far-fetched and may be understood to be something we don’t see with an ordinary eye. 

 

This was my first peek beneath the surface, and when I started wondering, 

 

What else is hidden from me?

What’s my potential?

How many possibilities are there that I didn’t yet consider?

 

I stumbled into psychology, or so I thought, and took an introductory course as an elective to meet a social science core requirement. The teacher was not particularly interesting, but the subject matter intrigued me, although it is hard to remember all the reasons why. Freud’s theory of dreams as the “royal road to the unconscious” spoke to a part of me that had always been curious about the unknown. 

 

Surprisingly, it was Freud and all the “legit” science that unearthed memories of teenage years spent reading books on reincarnation, playing with a Ouija board, and communicating with the spirit of another Bronx native, Edgar Allen Poe. It was all just for fun—exploration into something that didn’t exist—until Freud, in his bow tie and with his patriarchal, albeit academic and scientific theories, packaged it all in a way that made it viable. I still have his book, The Interpretation of Dreams, that I bought freshman year.

 

In my family, psychology was like sorcery—unknown and therefore unacceptable. My father was really concerned when I announced that I was changing my major to psychology, and he made me promise not to give up studying chemistry and obtaining my teacher certification.

 

The desire to teach was still very strong, but teaching jobs in psychology were at the college level at that time. I can see how this “calling” to teach opened new possibilities for me; graduate school and the need for a doctorate were the next logical steps in that linear path of accomplishment. 

 

Coloring Outside the Lines

 

A doctorate (Ph.D.) was regarded as the pinnacle of success—I had transcended the “culturally acceptable level” of elementary and secondary school teaching. Those cultural expectations inspired my dissertation research on the ideal or preferred timing of female life events.

 

The question I asked was,

 

Do women have social clocks that determine whether there is a “right” time or age to accomplish life cycle events such as marriage, children, or careers? And did they perceive their choices as on-time or off-time?

 

Social clocks are predetermined rules or norms for what to do, when, and how to do it. Everything is acceptable in the pursuit of knowledge—the supremacy of intellect and education—whatever you do with your life is permissible—education, career, marriage, family, etc.—as long as you play by the rules.

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It was fascinating to see how what was identified as a personal preference was actually in alignment with societal age norms and social prescriptions dictating the appropriate ages for family events, and how women felt they had done something wrong and judged themselves for being “off time” if they didn’t adhere to these social timetables, particularly when it came to family events. What seemed to be a personal choice was actually ruled by social and cultural expectations.

 

Was I so interested in this topic because I was contemplating my own life cycle? Or was I being guided to the work I would eventually do with women and men—to free them from the conditioned beliefs that limit their choices and open them to possibility?

 

While my career path and professional endeavors seemed to have been driven by left-brain/logical analytical thinking, from the hallowed halls of academia to corporations and organizations to parenting programs and educational consulting, some experiences made no (rational) sense—like when I was the lapsed, cradle Catholic director of Christian education at a Presbyterian Church or the Ph.D. (former) psychology college professor with zero business experience in the MBA world.

 

What was it that led me to these places—my mind or something else? Was I driven by the conditioned beliefs, aka the rules and expectations, or did I consciously make these choices? Was I following my heart? Was I still coloring inside the lines, which I was praised for as a child, still seeking approval from the (adult) world, or was I following my heart?

 

From unconscious direction to conscious choice, it has been a journey of self-discovery I did not know I was on. 

 

But then, through my work at the Presbyterian church, I met a group of women who invited me to be part of a spiritual book group. These women were questioning the role of (organized) religion in their lives, feeling unfulfilled and dissatisfied with traditional teachings, and wondering if there was a difference between religion and spirituality. At first, it was an opportunity for intellectual exploration and expansion. I was fully immersed in my comfort zone—reading and discussing. And then a session with a spiritual channel who provided messages from my spirit guides (neither of which I had a clue existed), and a Reiki class.

 

Between Two Worlds 

 

Books and the intellect were my “way in,” but it wasn’t until I felt—experienced—the energy, which, as a student of science, I “knew” existed—only through feeling it—did I KNOW that it was real. 

 

I was extremely reluctant to act on the spiritual intuitive’s guidance to learn Reiki and kept the seven pages of notes in a drawer for three years. A friend convinced me to attend a first-level Reiki class in our neighborhood. Everything changed for me during the attunement in that class, which was given by a "substitute" Reiki Master.

​

There were a few things at play that day, which I later learned were manifestations of my ego and conditioned beliefs—beginning with my expectations about what a Reiki Master should look like and where or how she should live to the experience itself—that transformed my intellectual understanding into actual knowing. Later that day, I followed her around, trying to figure out, 

 

“How did she make it work in both worlds?”

 

I had no idea at that time of the bigger and more complex question of how or why ordinary human beings could be (Divine) healers.

 

As soon as she put her hands on my shoulders, I felt as if I was physically in the hospital room of a family member who was on a respirator. There, at her bedside, she asked me to help her make the decision to live or die. I told her she had permission to do whatever she felt was right for her—the decision was hers. She wanted to return home to help her husband to adjust to life on his own. Then I was back in the room, my hands pulsating and feeling like giant balls of light, wondering what had just happened—if all that had actually happened—until the next morning when I got a phone call saying she was off the respirator and going back home. 

 

Even after this profound experience, I only reluctantly followed the guidance of my spirit guides and completed the Reiki training to become a Reiki Master, even though I had no intention of starting an energy healing practice, as these guides advised. But I did want to teach Reiki to others. Only after showing up at a weekly post-master class practice session offered by a woman in the class who would become my mentor, colleague, and dear friend did I begin to see what was within me. She had a healing practice and invited me to join her in her client sessions. During these sessions, I started hearing a voice describing how the person was feeling or what they needed. I found the courage to repeat what I had heard, and then I received confirmation.

 

Time and time again, my intuition/knowing was validated, but still, I felt unworthy. Who was I to offer people “healing?” After all, it wasn’t in the rules.

 

Conscious Choice

 

It took a long time for me to break free from the restrictions of my scientific, academic mind, and cultural values and to learn to be aware of, listen to, and trust my intuition, which is no doubt why my practice and teaching are centered on helping others transcend the mind through becoming aware of and connecting with their spirit or higher Self. 

 

My path to freedom and all that had been hidden from me required walking a path of integration and a journey of self-discovery. I was driven by the question,

 

Who am I underneath all the roles, expectations, and responsibilities imposed by external influences?

 

It is my heart that showed me the way, and while I’ve worked at loving and honoring myself and finding my truth, I haven’t thrown out the baby with the bathwater. I recognize that to carry out the messages from the heart, we need the intelligence of the mind. Not only the intellect or Divine knowing, but both. This bridging of intellect and intuition is the essence of my healing practice, classes, and teachings.

 

Integration requires that we learn to go within. Reclaiming the power to know our own truth and trust ourselves is not an either-or proposition. We oscillate between the polarities: facts vs. feelings, mind vs. heart, left-brain vs. right-brain intellect vs. intuitive wisdom, but being whole and living an authentic life requires a marriage of intellectual understanding and intuitive guidance and wisdom. And that’s exactly what I help others do—integrate the psychological with the spiritual—the self and the soul. The intellectual processing, tools, practical skills, steps, and resources are of inextricable value to this process to put the teachings and Divine guidance into action in everyday life.

 

But I’m still learning, or unlearning, as the case may be.

 

Yes, it is work; it takes practice to unlearn the conditioned beliefs and begin to love yourself unconditionally.

 

Ultimately, the practice is how you live your life from moment to moment with the awareness necessary to choose love over fear. 

 

The journey toward self-love might feel daunting, but know that all that you need to do is take one step at a time, and you don’t need to do the work alone. 

 

I’m here to guide you to have faith in your inner wisdom and the infinite possibilities that exist when you expand beyond the mind—the rules, beliefs, and expectations of others—into openheartedness. Together, we will:

​

Live from love. 

Honor yourself, and then honor others. 

Be authentic.  

Follow your heart. 

Speak your truth. 

Trust your inner knowing. 

Find the joy in each moment.

​

I will teach you about all these things that were hidden from me.